Talk to Me
by 47alwayswriting
Summary: Beckett forces Castle to tell her what's wrong. Set right after 47 Seconds. One-shot. This fic was previously called We Need to Talk
1. Chapter 1

_I should be studying, but this was in the way ;). This desperately needs some editing, but for now, I'll leave it like this._

_Set right after 4x19 47 Seconds._

_Enjoy._

_*For those who've read this earlier, I've added some bits that make it a bit better :) Thanks for your amazing response! Xx_

* * *

_Ryan and Esposito leave after they decline Kate's invitation for a drink._

"So I guess it's just us," Kate says.

"Yeah," Castle says reluctantly. He seems a bit uncomfortable.

"So now that the case is done. What did you want to talk about?"

He looks up in surprise, she sees the hesitation in his eyes. Eventually he deflates and says, "Nothing. Nothing important anyway."

She nods, but she still wonders what it was. When he started that conversation earlier he seemed nervous. It seemed important.

"I'm going to head home," he says and turns around.

Her own words ring in her ears. _It makes you think about all the things in your own life that you don't want to put off anymore._

"Castle!" she calls out and he turns around. She can't read anything from his face. His eyes have turned cold, distant. She wonders what happened. "Remember what I said earlier?"

Confusion draws is eyebrows together and he shakes his head. A flash of hurt seems to cross his eyes before he's buried it deep inside him.

"About all the things I don't want to put off anymore? Talk to me. What you wanted to say seemed important earlier," she says as she closes the distance between them and stands right in front of him.

"I told you, it was nothing," he spits out and she sees the hurt and confusion more clearly now.

"What happened?" she asks. She yearns to reach out to him, hold his hand.

"Nothing happened," he grits out. He refuses to look at her now, his face stone cold.

"Castle," she says softly and his eyes shoot to hers out of their own will it seems, because as soon as their eyes meet he looks away again. "Talk to me." She can't handle this. He can't pull away just like that. Not after how far they've come. Not now she's almost where she wants to be.

"It's not important," he tries again and starts to turn back around. Her hand shoots out at its own accord and grabs his elbow. He seems to bounce back to face her, shock written all over his face. He hadn't expected her to physically hold him back. Kate sees the indecision in his eyes. He could easily break her hold and walk away but something's stopping him.

His eyes meet hers again and he must see some of that desperation in her face, because he deflates. "I was going to tell you something, but it turns out you already know," he says, anger evident in his voice.

"What were you going to tell me?" She's desperate for answers, needs to know what caused him to retreat.

He stares at his feet, clenches his jaw in suppressed anger. When he looks back up she can't read him. All she sees is the persona she met four years ago, gone is the amazing man she got to know and maybe even love.

"Rick…" she tries again, doesn't care that the desperation is dripping from her voice, it must show on her face too, because he opens his mouth in reply before closing it again. She can see that he's holding himself back.

"You said you remember every second of it, so there's no need to tell you," he grits out eventually.

She remembers every second of it? _Oh no_. He must've been in the observation room when she was interrogating Bobby Lopez. He must've heard…

She takes his hand and pulls him into the break room. She closes the door behind them for privacy. He doesn't protest, but he doesn't cooperate either. He drags his heels, seems reluctant to be in there with her.

"Rick," she murmurs, "I'm sorry." His eyes skim hers, but there's no emotion in them. Nothing. Just empty sockets. She thought she was good at hiding her emotions, but it turns out he's right there with her.

She sighs as she slumps down at the table. "How did this get so messed up?" she asks herself.

"We don't talk." His voice comes out of nowhere and startles her. She didn't expect him to respond.

"Then let's talk." She mentions for him to sit down too.

He doesn't move. "Beckett, I'm not in the mood for this. We're both tired. Maybe we should just go home and sleep on it. Talk about it tomorrow."

She shakes her head. "No. We're not going to put this off. We're doing this now. If we don't, there's going to be something in the way and this will get even worse than it already is. So sit."

He can see that she's just going to drag him back in here if he doesn't do what she says so he sighs deeply as he sits in the chair opposite her. A flash of disappointment courses though her before she squashes it down. She hoped that he would sit at the head of the table, like always, but at least he's here. Though it doesn't seem likely that he will be the one to start talking, so she takes a deep breath and searches her mind for the right words. Unfortunately, he's usually the one with the words.

"I'm sorry," she repeats, "I should've told you earlier, but the longer I waited the harder it seemed to get. Before, I couldn't tell you, because I wasn't ready. I needed to heal."

He doesn't respond, just keeps staring at his hands. Feeling a little helpless by his lack of response, she blunders on. "Later, I felt like I could tell you, but then what if I had waited too long and you'd get mad at me? What if you'd leave me?" The vulnerability and sincerity in her voice seem to surprise him as he looks up at her.

"You know I could never leave you," he says, iron encasing his tone. She looks down at her clasped hands. He said _could_, not _would. _Like he _would_ if he could make himself. She feels tears prickling in her eyes. He wants to leave her, but he can't, that's how messed up they are.

She almost doesn't hear him continue over the rush of blood in her ears from holding back the tears. "If you would've just told me that you don't feel the same, I would've understood. But keeping it from me and leading me on? That's what's really pissing me off, Kate." The anger in his voice is becoming more apparent and yet he still doesn't shout. She marvels over the control he seems to have.

"You think that I don't feel the same?" she breathes as his words hit her.

"It's obvious that you don't," he mutters. She has hurt him yet again.

"Castle, look at me," she says and he raised his gaze to meets hers slowly. There's suppressed hope in them. Like he doesn't dare himself to hope. She mentally beats herself up. How could she do this to him? She's hurt him over and over and she can't forgive herself for doing that, even if she was healing.

She reaches for his hand and entwines their fingers. "I have made so many mistakes this past year and I don't want to use my wall as an excuse anymore. You know what's left of that wall? Rubble. Nothing more. So there's nowhere to hide anymore. Castle, do you remember what I told you last year? On the swings?"

"That you couldn't have the kind of relationship you want with that wall. But now it's down and here we are. I thought you were talking about me, Kate. I'm such an idiot."

"Yes, you are," she declares, he looks defeated so she decides to spell it out for him. "I _was _talking about you, Castle."

The suppressed hope now flares free and she smiles a little at the sight. He looks a little less helpless and it's good to see the cold disappear and that warmth she loves return to his features. Even if it's not like before.

"You were?" he asks and finally he moves to_ his_ chair perpendicular to hers, causing their legs to bump into each other. They draw closer together, unable to fight the magnetism.

"I was," she whispers.

The edges of his mouth lift a fraction and even though it's not much – not enough – her heart starts to thump wildly.

He lets go of her hand and her stomach drops, but then his palm is cradling her cheek and there is nothing she can do to stop her eyes from fluttering shut and leaning her cheek into his palm.

"You're not forgiven, you know," he says quietly and she can still hear the hurt in his voice.

"I know. I didn't expect you to forgive me so easily," she whispers and she feels him lean closer, feels his breath on her cheek, her ear.

"It's going to take more than an apologize," he murmurs into her ear and she opens her eyes to find his only a few inches away. They stare at each other for a moment as he caresses her cheekbone. Sparks of electricity run over her spine as she stares into the blue depths. Then he suddenly pulls back and glances towards the window.

She's amazed that he still has the wits to remember that they are still at the precinct and that they are most definitely watched.

"I think we should continue this conversation in a more private setting," he says, his voice a little rough.

"Yeah, we should." She takes a deep breath and leans back. Removes herself from temptation. She stands and says, "Meet me by my car in a minute."

He winks at her and she takes her leave. When she exits the break room she sees a small group of officers and detectives scatter and pretend to be making phone calls or observing a murder board.

She smiles and steps into the elevator. They gave them something to talk about. Castle was right. She shouldn't kiss him in the precinct. They need to maintain a professional working relationship, if not for Gates, for the victims. They deserve their best effort.

It doesn't take him long to find her leaning against the hood of her car. He doesn't stop walking when he reaches her, but crowds in front of her. His face an inch for hers. "You sure you want to do this?" he asks.

"I've put this off for way too long. I love you, Castle," she tells him and before she knows it her words are smothered by his mouth. The kiss is fast and needy and over way too fast.

"I love you too," he mutters against her lips.

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Thoughts?_


	2. Chapter 2

_This is for the guest reviewer, Adele-Madeline Heels, PhoebeLuv25, Castlelover2 and Falcron58 who all asked for another chapter. Sorry it took me so long._

_This story was previously called We Need to Talk, but I changed the name because I can._

_One thing before you carry on, this story is about 47 seconds and while Castle's secret was an important part of the show at that time, it will not appear in this story. I'm sure we've all read enough fics that do include Castle's secret._

_Hope you enjoy this final chapter. _

* * *

_Previously:_

_"I've put this off for way too long. I love you, Castle," she tells him and before she knows it her words are smothered by his mouth. The kiss is fast and needy and over way too fast._

_"I love you too," he mutters against her lips._

* * *

When they pull apart he murmurs in a tender voice, "Doesn't mean you're forgiven, you know."

"I know," she mutters and she watches him through her eyelashes as she slowly comes up with a plan. "Get in the car, I have an idea."

"As you wish," he says cheerfully. He might not have forgiven her but he desperately wants to. She can see that it's not going to be easy, though.

She keeps the conversation light on their way to her surprise, trying not to give anything away. She hopes that they're going to make it in time, if not she can always use her imagination and go from there.

"So how's Alexis holding up? Can't have been easy for her with all those bodies at the morgue," she says to break the silence.

"Well, she tried to cheer _me_ up yesterday with our emergency cheering-up pancakes, so I think she'll be fine," he says.

"What kind of pancakes?" Beckett laughs.

"Emergency cheering-up pancakes, they have little smiley-faces on them," he tells her giddily. "Anyway, Alexis really likes her internship at the morgue and I can't take that away from her."

"Did you want her to stop helping Lanie?" she asks incredulously.

"Well, at first I didn't like the fact that she was around dead bodies all day but she explained to me that it was really important to her and it makes her feel like she's doing something to help others. I can't make her stop doing something she does for the same reasons I want to help you solve murders."

"You're a good man, Castle," she comments and he takes the compliment with a little nod. He falls silent. She starts thinking about all the little comments he made after he had heard her confess that she knew.

He was angry and hurt and she now understands that that was the reason for his expressions and comments. Somewhere she feels like she deserved it, but it would've been nice to know why he was punishing her. Now she knows and she can't blame him.

She hears him sing along softly to a song on the radio and glances sideways. He looks more relaxed than he has in weeks. The evidence of the many sleepless nights he's had are still there, but less evident. The lines that were drawn across his forehead have disappeared and have been removed with his usual laughter lines. He looks younger, somehow.

He catches her gaze and smiles at her, apparently glad to have caught her staring at him. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," she replies quickly. She doesn't think it's going to help her if she tells him that he looks healthier or better than before, so she just concentrates on the road again. For as far as that's possible with him staring at her now. She feels the content smile play along her lips, certain he can see it too.

With him staring at her, he's not paying attention to where they're going, so their destination stays a surprise for much longer than she had anticipated. When she finally parks the car, he's still oblivious to her plan.

"The Angelica?" he asks when she pulls into a parking spot near the theatre.

"_Blade Runner_ is playing tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me?" she asks, suddenly a bit shy.

"Ridley Scott's perfect mixture of science fiction and film noir? Of course! Kate, this is amazing! I didn't even know it was playing tonight!" he exclaims with a wide grin.

They watch the film mostly in silence. Well, when they're not whispering the lines along with the characters in each other's ears.

"That was _the best_ way to watch _Blade Runner_," Castle chirps happily when they exit the theatre.

"So… you up for a burger?" Kate asks.

"I'm always up for a burger!" he says. "Remy's?"

"Not this time," Kate says with a secretive smile and leads him back to the car.

"More surprises!" he yells giddily as he gets in. He talks all the way through the short drive. About his mother, about Alexis, about everything and nothing he hadn't told her these past weeks. She likes listening to him, she has missed his constant babbling in the background.

He falls silent when she parks on a mostly empty street. "Uh, Beckett? Are you sure this is it?" he says when she gets out of the car.

"Yes, you coming?" she asks him across her shoulder before she closes the door. She smiles to herself, she knows it doesn't look like much, but they really have the best burgers in New York.

She extends her hand to him when he's made his way around the hood of the car. He easily takes it and together they cross the street. She leads him towards a small shop that he probably would've missed if she hadn't pointed it out to him.

The diner is small and quiet. They order their usual Remy's order and fall into quiet conversation.

"I still can't believe that so many people lost their lives just because some people wanted publicity for their cause," Castle says quietly.

"Yeah, it's horrible," Kate says. "Makes you want to make the most of the time we still have left." She looks at Castle and gives him a soft smile.

"That what this is?" he asks.

"Yeah," Kate says. "And it's still an apology."

"Kate…" he starts, but she interrupts him.

"No, Rick. I should have told you much earlier. I feel like I've wasted precious time. What if you'd died in that bank that day? What if Danberg had been a fraction later and Sophia would've shot you? I would've never forgiven myself, Castle."

Castle reaches out and lays his hand heavily on top of hers. "There's no use to think about the 'what ifs', Kate. We're both here _now_. We're both alive _now_. Let's not get lost in things that could've gone wrong in the past, let's just live in the present. Just live in the present with me, Kate," he says and his last words sound desperate.

Kate turns her hand over hand squeezes his. As if she needs to hold on to him, to make sure she doesn't drown in the things that could've gone wrong in the past.

Their moment gets interrupted by the waiter, who comes and brings them their burgers. They reluctantly retreat their hands to make place for the hot plates containing two juicy looking burgers and fries.

"Okay?" Castle says, clearly trying to steer the conversation to a happier place.

Kate nods, "Okay."

Castle smiles at her and says, "And in this present I'm starving." He eyes his burger appreciatively and makes Kate smile as he takes a huge bite. "Oh my god! Beckett!" he moans. "This is the best burger ever! How could you have kept his hidden from me?"

"I used to come here with my parents when we were craving for burgers," she says with a soft smile. Castle immediately sobers at the comment and glances at his burger again. Then he smiles at her.

"Thank you for bringing me here," he says, "it means a lot to me."

"Does this means I'm forgiven," she asks jokingly and he laughs.

"I must say, Beckett, you know how to apologize." She notices that he hasn't really answered her question, but she didn't expect him to. She didn't expect him to fully forgive her after a movie and a burger. A very good movie and a very good burger, but still. She knows it'll take time. She also knows she willing to give him all the time in the world. As long as he forgives her in the end.

* * *

_Thoughts?_


End file.
